part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think my moral compass just broke
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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