oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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