When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
