goodnight i made you a song goodbye
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
