My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
