I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
