The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
