You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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