he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
