don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm at about main and main street
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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