do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
