It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
