Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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