His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
