rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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