Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
