goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
