Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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