Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
