nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
