Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
