Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
