my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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