He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
