I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
