My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize