I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
