So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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