you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
