Will you blow on my dice?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
