Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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