He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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