There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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