But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
