Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
