Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
