i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
