In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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