I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
