Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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