I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
