We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
