He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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