I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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