Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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