so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
