I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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