I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
