I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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