That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
