I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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