Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
