did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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