so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
