using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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