I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
