I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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