Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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