it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
