watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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