Sponge bath it is.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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