its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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