After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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