all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
