cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
