I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I need to calm my uterus...
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