yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
