she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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