What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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