I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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