I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
