if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
