Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
