i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
