I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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